There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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