Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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