oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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