I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
