a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
