OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
