My girlfriend figured out who you are.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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