Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
