Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
