That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
