just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
