Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
