If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
