i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
