I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
