Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
