dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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