I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
