One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
