I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
