what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
