when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
