what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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