even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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