I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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