k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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