She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
