Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
