i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
