You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
its liver damage thursday
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