Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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