R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
