I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
where am i from again
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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