I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
