he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
