He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
tell me about the eggs
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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