Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
