I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
