hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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