I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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