i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
