Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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