Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
