If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
