He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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