And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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