Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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