I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
