I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
