I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
