god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
