i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
