respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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