Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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