i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
