bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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