His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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