you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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