The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
